Food no longer has an expiry date, it has a best before date. So now it lasts forever or until eating it kills you.
I have a thick skin because it’s covered in crude oil.
I’m adopting a perky dog from the local animal shelter. I’m naming him Mr. Coffee Beans.
What is the area inside a coffee shop called? Coffee Grounds.
Pissing your pants is a fun way to warm up during a cold winter.
When a couch potato doesn’t get enough sleep he wakes up with bags of potatoes under his eyes.
When your life’s vision isn’t clear you’re looking out a foggy window.