When your best friend is a couch potato he’s your best spud.
The best eye contact you can get is when you touch eyeballs.
Facebook is where friendships go to die.
Whenever I call my friends it only goes to their voice mail, “The person you are trying to call is never going to be available.”
I’m looking to expand my social circle until it includes every human on this earth.
I see my friends once a year on their birthday.
I accidentally flushed my cell phone down the toilet and lost all my friends. Wait, I never had any friends in the first place.